"Crank" = CRAP
For the first time in my life, I walked out of a movie.
Fifteen or twenty minutes in (who knows...it felt like an eternity), I walked out of the craptacular crapfest of the crappiest crap that ever did crap, "Crank."
I don't know where to begin in my rant against this kind of celluloid shit (hah! bet you thought I was going to say 'crap' again, didn't you?). I've been reading good reviews of this movie, and I have to wonder if maybe they saw a different version from me. Maybe they saw the cut that didn't include cutesy freeze-frames of random action shots. Or the version that didn't have the done-to-death-by-"24"-already split screen sequences. Or the version that didn't have the by-God biker bar bulging during a fight scene. Bulging!
And I'm not loathing this movie because I'm a girl, so nobody can pull that "Oh, she only likes chick flicks" crap with me. I like the so-called "dick flicks" as much as the next testosterone-soaked he-man. But this movie...good God. It's like the director had adult ADD when it came time to edit, all jumpy, splicy, snip-happy cuts.
The biggest sin in this movie (well, in what I managed to watch of this movie) is the fact that the director never let you forget that you were watching a movie. All that jumpy stuff just drew unwanted attention to the fact that somewhere in an editing suite, some self-important hotstuff young director was probably gooing himself over how edgy and cutting-edge he is. And I'd rather not think about anyone gooing himself, thank you for asking.
I'd suggest that no one waste their hard-earned moolah on "Crank," but it's already come and gone from the box office. Oh dear...what a shame.
I'm just surprised I sat through a whole fifteen minutes of it. Blecch.
Fifteen or twenty minutes in (who knows...it felt like an eternity), I walked out of the craptacular crapfest of the crappiest crap that ever did crap, "Crank."
I don't know where to begin in my rant against this kind of celluloid shit (hah! bet you thought I was going to say 'crap' again, didn't you?). I've been reading good reviews of this movie, and I have to wonder if maybe they saw a different version from me. Maybe they saw the cut that didn't include cutesy freeze-frames of random action shots. Or the version that didn't have the done-to-death-by-"24"-already split screen sequences. Or the version that didn't have the by-God biker bar bulging during a fight scene. Bulging!
And I'm not loathing this movie because I'm a girl, so nobody can pull that "Oh, she only likes chick flicks" crap with me. I like the so-called "dick flicks" as much as the next testosterone-soaked he-man. But this movie...good God. It's like the director had adult ADD when it came time to edit, all jumpy, splicy, snip-happy cuts.
The biggest sin in this movie (well, in what I managed to watch of this movie) is the fact that the director never let you forget that you were watching a movie. All that jumpy stuff just drew unwanted attention to the fact that somewhere in an editing suite, some self-important hotstuff young director was probably gooing himself over how edgy and cutting-edge he is. And I'd rather not think about anyone gooing himself, thank you for asking.
I'd suggest that no one waste their hard-earned moolah on "Crank," but it's already come and gone from the box office. Oh dear...what a shame.
I'm just surprised I sat through a whole fifteen minutes of it. Blecch.
posted by Beck | 1:43 PM
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